Mystical Tsarism and the Cannabis Cup

T.S.O.G.
The Thing That Ate the Constitution by Robert Anton Wilson.

...The major open functions of Mystical Tsarism now are the Drug Enforcement Administration [DEA] and the Food and Drug Administration [FDA.] You all know about the DEA and its vast army of snoops and informers -- a vision to gladden the heart of Pobedonostsev himself. The FDA operates similarly but with less publicity; it was described in these terms by Saul Kent of the Life Extension Foundation: "The FDA's strong-arm tactics are used to intimidate and terrorize Americans into toeing their police-state line on health care and medicine."

In 1957, the FDA burned all the books of dissident physician Wilhelm Reich, M.D., smashed his laboratory equipment with axes, and threw him in jail, where he died.

Lately, their major targets have been midwives, herbalists and others who offer safer and cheaper health care than the TSOG itself.

Although our first official and open Tsar was appointed during the brief, bloody reign of George Bush, the Tsar's powers only reached tyrannical status under Bill Clinton, a hillbilly with a perpetual hard-on.

Our recent Tsar, General Barry McCaffrey, recently stated the theology of Mystic Tsarism in an article for the Denver Post. I condense a bit because, like most Tsars, Mac the Knife is a bit of a windbag:

 

"Each week, millions of Americans attend religious services to seek guidance, reaffirm moral values, offer charity and obtain a sense of community. Each of these four elements underscores the importance of faith-based organizations .... Educating young people ... requires us to guide them and teach them values. .....On May 10, I traveled to Colorado Springs to stand with Dr. James Dobson and the Young Life Christian Ministry. The ministry's youth programs are model efforts for how faith-based organizations can play a critical role in helping our young people choose the right path....[blah blah blah]... The One Way 2 Play program of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes is another example of how faith groups help young people ..... The One Way 2 Play program uses sports to teach the importance of a healthy lifestyle and a commitment to faith. .. ... As British Theologian Dean William Inge said: 'If we are to safeguard our children and communities, rabbis, priests, clerics, deacons, sisters, brothers and cantors must help lead the way'" ...[emphasis added]

Faith and docility are the bulwarks of Tsarism; any hint of scientific knowledge, rationality or even plain "horse sense" among the serfs are its major worries, and it blocks them every way it can. No Tsar will ever lavish such praise on scientists or other professional skeptics as McCaffery lavishes on the faithful and the sheep-herders who lead and fleece them.

And so, the Constitution in tatters, spies everywhere, we inhabit "one nation under surveillance with wiretaps and mail covers for all;" and everybody is terrorized about whether their houses and property will be seized next. In short, we find ourselves, as Trotsky found the Russians a century ago, midway between European monarchism and Asiatic despotism.
T.S.O.G. The Thing That Ate the Constitution